Living Out Our Dreams

Why do I do what I do? That’s the question I keep asking myself.

I know I suffer from depression and anxiety and over the last 8 months since I had my first miscarriage its got worse. About 3 weeks after I had my miscarriage I found out something that broke my heart regarding my relationship with my partner. I lost a lot of trust in him and that’s something I still haven’t gotten over completely.

I love him more than anything in the world. But I can’t get these things out of my head. Not one thing seems to help me sort it out. I’m not on my anti depressants anymore because they caused my miscarriage and also weren’t strong enough but I’m considering getting some more. I’m a mess. I don’t trust my self anymore. I’m so angry. I hate myself more than ever. I feel so insecure and feel horrible when I ask my partner who’s he’s talking too and what he’s saying.

I just wish I could be happy all the time. I’m so happy when were out but as soon as it gets dark my mind goes crazy.

That thing that happened plus 3 miscarriages including my first in august have fucked me up more than ever.

Two things I know for sure. I don’t want too lose him but I’ve already lost myself.

I need too find myself!

Add me on blackberry messenger :)

27E6EB65 

Xx

On bbm 27E6EB65 xxxx

So it seems I got excited too soon and I ruined it. 

Seems I may be having another miscarriage. But Im not in pain enough too warrant a hospital trip, I shall find out on monday morning if this is the case.

Im trying too think positive. It may not be another miscarriage. But after 2 prior ones in the last 8 months, The chances are it is. 

Absolutly heartbroken really I am. :(

Ill take the oppurtunity too get myself back on track. get the help I need to be a happier person and maybe try again when Im sorted. 

tannlegjuliet asked: Congrats!! =)

Thanks hun :) so happy 

After two miscarriages and infections ….. yesterday I had a big shock..

Were PREGNANT. 4 positive pregnancy tests and two different brands. 

Im assuming thats a definite :)

So happy words cant explain how i feel right now … 

http://journeyintotheunknown2012.tumblr.com/

http://journeyintotheunknown2012.tumblr.com/

miss-motivated-deactivated20120 asked: Just read your previous post - anon is right, you do need to talk to someone. Nobody would ever think you are stupid to feel deep sadness - you lost a child. That is a traumatising thing. I don't talk from personal experience, but my Mother miscarried my twin, and she is still affected by it. Some people may brush you off as a defence mechanism due to their own sadness and fear of not being able to have children. If you need advice or help with weight loss, don't hesitate to contact me! :)

Thanks I totally know what your saying and know that those people who said the things to me they shouldnt have were also sad. I took what they said and just didn’t let it affect me at the time. I understood theyd been through it aswell and told myself that they were correct. I didnt let the miscarriage really affect me until the doctor told me in november that Id had a second one and I had suffered a severe infection due to the last. Then i started thinking the bad things. Thankyou for your comment :) It does make me see that its good too talk too people and that really I just need to find the right people to speak to about it all. Im setting up a new blog about my weightloss journey and About trying to concieve again. It would be fantastic too talk to you about some advice. I dont even know where too start. 

Nyomi :)

Anonymous asked: Your story about your pregnancy is heartbreaking. Please don't be disheartened or scared to try again - I know it is hard to accept but some souls only have a certain amount of time on this earth. Keep trying, you will get there! Talk to someone close to you about how you feel - it is not good holding things in, you need to free yourself and get that weight off your shoulders. I wish you all the best!

Thankyou so much for messaging me. I think I will find a way too tell people eventually but I think Im so scared that those around me will think Im being stupid. Im around a lot of people that seemed to dismiss it so quickly when it happened and expected me too move on. A lot of people laughed and said well youve only had one Ive had 8 but too me I was the happiest person Alive and it got took away. I understand them and how theyve lost so many but Im so scared Ill never be able to have kids and they say things like that. I will get through it though :) Im trying to do as many things to change my life for the better that I can. The Biggest is too lose weight. I think that will help me along the way and allow me to become a better person and allowing myself too understand things happen for a reason and its ok too move on. 

Thanks :) 

Think Im going too make another tumblr blog looking at my weight and how i want to change and the difficulties that come with it. yepp, that sounds like a plan. Like a little diary of my weight loss if any.